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In finance there is a thing called the hurdle rate and that is the rate at which you decide whether you would accept or reject a risky investment.  In my case, I suppose my hurdle rate is determining what it would take for me to get past this cycle of making the same decisions and help me identify the ones with the most risk and least return so that I can stay away from them.  Unfortunately, it seems that determining the hurdle rate for projects in finance is proving to be a lot easier than it is for relationships and people.

Apart from my daily jogs along the promenade, I’ve been watching Sex and the City (and Scrubs) as my own personal therapy sessions.  And as I was starting to question what was wrong with me because I sometimes have problems letting go, I just so happened to get to this episode and it made me realise that there is this constant battle in my head.  It’s as if my mind is split in two and on one side there is Miranda who is my voice of reason and on the other, Carrie, which probably represents my weakness.

I was beginning to think I was the only one who was acting this way but I guess with everyone no matter how strong a person you are, there’s always that one person who gets under your skin and turns you into someone you’re not.  There are times when I hit a hurdle and I feel like I need them to be there and I become a mess and I don’t know what to do about it.  I wonder what it would take to make me move on.  If there was a trigger that said to my brain, nope, this is not the right decision, move on and choose another, it would be great.  But more often than not, I’m unable to, mostly because then I start thinking of what it was like, to have that support and know that they’ll catch you when you fall.  I feel like I’m back to square one.  I keep going back to thinking about the past and then it starts a downward spiral and I become this person that is far from what I usually am and I know that.  In my haze of neediness, I ask myself, “…Who is this?  Why am I like this?!  Snap out of it and move on, stop being so pathetic…” and I know I’m right but… unfortunately I don’t take my own advice and I make a fool of myself.  Yup, that’s what happens time and time again.

But seeing this clip made me smile somewhat.  After all this time, thinking I was the only person in the entire world who was weak when it came to letting go, and wondering why I kept doing this to myself, I realised that it happens to the best of us from time to time.  I suppose we all have our vices, be it diets, relationships, procrastination… whatever and we slip up now and then but at least that voice of reason is there to remind us to get up and get a move on.

I guess a quote would be fitting here and as Alexander Pope put it, “To err is human, to forgive (and forget) is divine”.  Yes, OK I’ve added the forget part because that would be divine (and not in the ‘God’ sense but rather in the ‘delightful’ sense) as I won’t have to deal with the past anymore.  Now to get back to calculating the hurdle rate, which is totally WACC…

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